~Unfaithful~

A while ago I just remembered someone, someone whom I only saw just recently and I don’t know what I should feel. Should I be mad? Poignant? Or simply accept that it happened and it was meant to happen, and even I cannot stop it. I guess the good Lord arranged it just the way it should be… but I’ve been wanting to ask, was it good? Was it better? Are you aware of the pain that you caused to a person who has totally no idea of what you’ve done, until sometime when she just broke down? I was wondering, why is it that those kind of people exist in this world? I do not hate them, nor do I care, but I do feel and that feeling is prevailed by pain. I couldn’t even remember when it happened, because I’ve been wanting to get it out of my system, but it just can’t. I couldn’t understand if knowing more details would content me or will hurt me more or knowing less would intrigue me or help me move on. As usual, the course of my life is controlled by the good Lord, and still He preferred me knowing more and even knowing it from other people which hurt me, immensely. Two years ago, if I’m not mistaken, I was hurt knowing what happened between my man a this person, but at the same time thankful to a someone who cared, and I guess I appreciate his courage of telling me the truth, more often than not, I do appreciate honest people, especially with me. I didn’t even had the chance to know the details, the person, her whereabouts, etc. just now, I knew everything, and I still continue to know more, which is something I do not understand, really, I don’t. I do not know Jecel? Not even once did I get the chance to see her face, and now I did, and it doesn’t strike me. I don’t know if I will pity her for being so vulnerable and gullible, I don’t know if I would laugh at her because she was only used just like the others who were involved before her, or even to thank her for being an instrument for my man to learn what the game of life is all about. Now, I just cannot answer the question why? Why did He let the memories some back, to forgive? I’ve realized, people cannot be trusted, even the people dearest to you, and not everyone would care to let you know something you ought to know, what hurts me more is the fact that during that time, a lot of people knew, but they just let me take a fool out of myself, just hang me roughly clueless of what’s happening when I’m not around. She knew I existed, she knew who I am, yet she still chose to be a toy, being played by the mouse when the cat is not around. It’s not my choice anyway, it’s hers. And she felt comfortable lying around, even asking about me, I am not really surprised, I just wonder if she doesn’t feel used, unless she wanted to be used. But then, everything’s just a game, and unfortunately for her, she had no permanent teammate. But what she got is an able opponent. They say that forgiveness should be given for you to be free, I guess that is the purpose of all of these. But before I get these out of my chest, I just want her to know that I was aware all along, she didn’t made a fool out of me, but a fool of herself, after all, she got nothing out of nothing at all.