Bewildering Seventeen

It's a special day...might have been, but,
maybe we can consider it as one anyway...it's no secret to
those who know me very well...probably they are all wondering
if we are celebrating right now... I don't know...persistently,
he's working it out, but it's not official anyway...
I don't really know how to treat this day...I’m still bent...
guilty of having twist and turn in my healing heart...
sigh...after almost four months of trying to forget...
and then came another four months of making me feel
the same way... I’m still in the state of concussion...waaaaaah...
and I guess in this impaired condition of mine,
nobody can really help, but myself...
when you spend a lot of time together…seems like nothing’s change,
but when reality bites…you’ll find your bewildered spirit still searching…
for nothing actually…
every now and then you try to ask… “Is this really precise…I mean, everything…?”
you’ll try to remember when this day still matter…so much…
it does matter now, but not as how it did before…
he tried…and still is trying…
you’re helping, but it seems to give no change at all…
maybe…not now…


“It is true that we don’t know what we want until we lose it, but it’s also true that we don’t know what we’ve been waiting for until it arrives.”