...this serves as my journal where i can release every feeling i have, may it be good or bad...and here is where you'll find me when i want to escape the world of madness we are living in...this is my own world of thoughts and blissful memories...in some ways, it is also where you'll find what's inside a lamented heart and a bewildered soul...
I was just here in my room all day...well not actually...someone visited me...whoelse? Christian...Viray... asking me the same question...and i haven't given him a straight answer...well, i was ablle to shout it out, but i don't really know if i meant all of it...right now we're doing fine as friends or as i call it...some things changed between us...specially the way i treat him now...it's too bad...we had a lot of fun years together, but look at how we ended up...friends...or maybe at least for me we're friends...almost everyone close to us knows how we are right now, the bewildering situation we are in is not really something to hide...i guess most people still questions my decision, well, i haven't really made one, but what it seems to many, that i have...
sigh...i pity Christian for commiting so many mistakes in his life... i was there, suppose to be guiding him, but i can't, maybe it just had to happen... i don't hate him for hurting me several times, but i would be a hypocrite if i don't confess that i felt hatred for him once or twice, after all, I was still able to forgive him...and i think he suffered enough and got more than what he deserved...but the question right now is..."will i still be able to accept him after all?"
i'm so twisted...i can't deny that the feeling never left, it was just over-powered by hatred and and pain...it haunted me like hell...sigh...but i can't really see myself coming back, getting back to where i used belong...
what if i am not really meant to...?what if...
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